Thursday, April 23, 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009


is what I feel in my heart for you guys.

But not right now.

Friday, April 17, 2009


Is totally not giving up on this blog.

Happy Friday!

Monday, April 13, 2009


is not giving up on this blog.

Happy Easter!

Friday, April 10, 2009

jesus christ! more aardvark!!!



2009 Jetta Sportwagen TDI

Yeah, that's mine.

And as a side J, does anyone know where I can get a cap like this? Since I'm driving a deisel now, I think it's required. I'm pretty sure it's in the manual.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Just once

Just once I would like to be able talk to you without wanting to repeatedly slam my open palm across your face like a busted shutter, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack.

Just one time I'd like to control myself when you're trying to have a civilized conversation with me and discuss our daughter's schedule, and not blurt out, "YOU FORGOT TO CLEAN THE GERBIL CAGE!!!! IT STINKS!!! CHRIST!!!!"

Just for a laugh, to see what it'd be like, I would sure like to bury the hatchet. Let things go. Do what I keep telling everyone I'm trying to do. But really do it. Instead of twisting my mouth into an evil-clown frown when you come into the room and mutter monosyllabic things under my breath at you like fucking Tarzan..

Instead I visualize punching you in the back, hard, as you're walking out the door.

Kicking you in your flat ass as hard as I can as you're sauntering down the stairs, so that you lose your footing and fall face-first on the marble staircase and shatter all your front teeth.

I'm not saying I want to like you all the time.

Just, maybe, like, I dunno. Once.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Ich Hob Zol in Bod

In honor of Passover, I thought I'd share a hebrew phrase I learned today.

Literally translated, it means, "I have you in the bath,” or “I hope you sink like a ship.”

Either way, it's a wish that someone should disappear from your life. It means that he should be drowning by Thursday. And let him drown in the bathtub.

Also, I just learned that high fructose corn syrup is NOT kosher!!!


But they are currently making coca cola with actual sugar (who knew they weren't?) for all our Jewish neighbors.


it’s an aardvark


Friday, April 3, 2009

I am sorry.

I forgot H-week. And I'm sorry.

However, I'm a little incensed that you all ignored the homework I assigned back during F-week. (ooh, F-week sounds so much more interesting than it really was, doesn't it?)


Doesn't that sound like a perfect and fun place to cut loose on vacation? I know lots of people who've gone there for those reasons. But not me. I've never been. I'm kinda jealous of people who have. Almost as jealous as I'd be of people who've been to Utopidrunkfun.